Does the Church know how to minister in the current marriage and family culture?
The New York Times reported some key census data relating to marriage and family make up that fly in the face of how most churches do ministry in America.
Are you currently married and have kids? You probably don’t feel like it when you are hanging around church people but the fact is that you represent only 20 percent of the population of this country. This is the demographic that the local church has always targeted and done well to minister too.
But what about the rest?
Speaking from personal experience this is what I have seen:
Singles?
We make them feel like they aren’t fully a part of our community until they get married.
DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)?
The slow moving culture of Church has no place in their active lifestyles.
Divorced and Still Single?
We ostracize them from community and all too often force them into another relationship doomed to fail.
Single Parents?
We don’t invite them to be a part of our families (it takes a village).
Seniors?
We leave them to populate dying churches rather then find a way to let them belong to our community.
It’s easy to sit back and raise questions but what are the answers? What is next for the Church in this reality?
Add to that list the homeless who are not included on the census figures. We have four homeless families in our church and they several of them who call each other family are not related in any way.
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Vince Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 11:51 am
No doubt…as with most people groups, we like to ‘minister to’ them and maybe even study the Bible with them but then we go on and do life with our real friends
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In 31 years, I have done exactly two sermon series on marriage and family. I do this partly to counter the extremely over-the-top teaching by churches on this subject. Marriages are not in trouble; people are! When you address people and their relationship with God (and when they subsequently grow in Sanctification) their marriages and families improve. Imagine that. If you look through the Bible, there is very little advice on marriage and family. Ever wonder why that is?
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Vince Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 11:51 am
“Marriages are not in trouble; people are!” great point
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as i’m dealing with this issue myself right now, i know that my eyes have been opened to being much more compassionate and less judgemental in all of those areas. i had a wise friend once tell me that God did not create marriage to make us happy, He created it to make us holy. i believe He also created singleness to make us holy. might he remove things that have become idols in our lives to make us holy? i honestly do not know why He’s allowing my family to go through the change we’re going through, but i have to believe there is a church who longs to invite all into community. thanks for the post Vince. good questions.
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Vince Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 12:11 pm
True Christian community loves you right here and right now
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No doubt the demographics are true. What is also true is the enclaves created. I live in an area that is not like the average–mostly families and few singles, seniors, etc. So, in some places I know it is opposite. Families, in the traditional sense, are the minority. Singles are the majority. My only point in saying that is to support why some will continue on this path. As you know, eventually places that are enclaves even out! So, get ready people. Your suburb will become more like the city pretty quickly.
The other issue is race and ethnicity. Our churches also are not as reflective of the cultural distinctions we see around us are they?
Great questions as always, Vince!
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Interesting questions. One place you can find every group mentioned above at my home church is at the Celebrate Recovery weekly meeting and small groups. When we are willing to admit the struggle with sin we all have in common, then common ground is not hard to find. We confess our sins to each other, encourage and exhort one another, speak truth in love, and have authentic community. I prefer this community much more than demographically based small groups and classes I have been a part of in the past 30 years in church.
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Imma dink… I don’t know how I feel about that.
But, to be serious, our church is making an effort to provide singles’ opportunities and No-Boys-Allowed women’s ministry stuff and young adult stuff. We’re working on it. But the momentum of our church comes from our killer children’s ministry, which brings in scores of young families.
As an aside, we also have a special needs children’s ministry that started about a year ago and it’s reaching a corner of our local community that was without resource. Does that count for something?
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